Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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