Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
