Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
