I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
