Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
