her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize