my mouth tastes like poor choices
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
