apparently the secret to your success is patron
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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