The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
