I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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