my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
