this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
