He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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