apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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