R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize