Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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