who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
one might say we're banned from that church
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
