Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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