so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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