Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
