I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
