No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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