Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
