my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My liver just had a heart attack.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
