Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
