Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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