I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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