My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
