It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
