I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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