maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
