You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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