You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
