Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
