I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
