Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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