If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
