Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
