I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
