What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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