she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
