She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
how drunk are you?
Several
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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