i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
