i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
