so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize