Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
