The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
