I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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