Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
