I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
