After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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