Sry I called you an 8
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
