Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think people are normalizing furries
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
