So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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