Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
