Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
