When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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