Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
