oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My cat gives me a boner
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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