Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We talked him into tasing himself.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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