Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
