So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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