One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
