I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
