You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
