Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
