I need help removing her.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
