youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
