Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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