I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
